Presidential Election

[black francis]

With Romney out and Hilary looking like she's through I guess I'm not voting this time around. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to say fuck Mike Huckabee (I mean REALLY fuck you asshole), fuck the media and fuck politics in general.

[withahip]

Stay the course.

[crystal daze]

With Romney out and Hilary looking like she's through I guess I'm not voting this time around. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to say fuck Mike Huckabee (I mean REALLY fuck you asshole), fuck the media and fuck politics in general.

Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A. A Message from John Cleese
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Colony, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.
9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10 per US gallon. Get used to it.
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough> will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour li ke a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
16. An official from Her Majesty's Inland Revenue (i.e. tax collector) will be with you shortly to ensure the collection of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Until these are paid, there will be no representative government in the USA, in line with the policy: "No representation without taxation".
17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups and saucers (never mugs), and with high quality biscuits (coo kies) and cakes; strawberries in season.
18. Some tea has gone missing, and we expect it back. We'll be searching Boston first.
God save the Queen.
She should be saved, and only He can.
John Cleese







Disclaimer: The points mentioned above are not necessarily the views of the postee. There are at least 4 points above I seriously disagree with. They involve the number 2 being assigned to Lizzie Windsor, the singing of that awful rascist dirge, frying things in dead animal fat and beer being best warm and flat.

[Fish Hook Girl]

Isn't John Cleese dead?

[Kounelaki]

Graham Chapman is.

[insanejane]

You're a brave man for bringing up politics on a forum

I agreed with everything Reverend Wright said. The religious right yoyos can't wait for the rapture but no one mentions how off the wall they are.

It's patriotic to disapprove of dropping two bombs on Japan and slaughtering villages of women and children in Vietnam. No one can EVER say anything against this country if they're American.

The election is already decided. The mudslinging between Hillary and Obama is just theatrics. McBush will win.

If Obama loses it might be like the Rodney King riots all over the country.

I agree with John Cleese except he forgot one thing. Presidents should be required to know how to pronounce "nuclear" if they're planning on building 27 new plants soon.

And besides "stay the course" there was also "smoke em out"

[withahip]

If we revert back to Britain, can I still keep my dental plan?

[Fish Hook Girl]

If we revert back to Britain, can I still keep my dental plan?

No. The British don't have dental plans. Or dentists. Or white teeth.

(Just kidding, gov )

[insanejane]

With Romney out and Hilary looking like she's through I guess I'm not voting this time around. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to say fuck Mike Huckabee (I mean REALLY fuck you asshole), fuck the media and fuck politics in general.

Was it Huckabee's guitar playing that offended you?

[withahip]

[Mr. Brian]

Isn't John Cleese dead?

No but he didn't write that...

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

[kook]

No. The British don't have dental plans. Or dentists. Or white teeth.

(Just kidding, gov )

Oh good. Once I realised that I saw how hilarious it was.

[zabird]

Whoever wrote it ... the Brits would only get the 13 colonies back, not the rest of the U.S. of A. A lot of the land west of the Mississippi was under Spanish control in 1776. So, no French Quarter, no Disneyland and no Austin!

from wikipedia:

New Spain: all or parts of present-day Mexico, Texas, California (Alta California and Baja California), Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Oklahoma and New Mexico. In the 1819 Adams-Onís Treaty, Spain traded its claims in the Pacific Northwest north of the 42nd parallel (today's northern border of California) to the USA, in exchange for the USA's giving up of its claims south of that line. The Treaty also established border lines along the Arkansas River and the Red River.

Spanish Florida: Modern-day Florida including parts of modern-day Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi.

Louisiana, consisting of all or parts of the present-day U.S. States of Louisiana, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Kansas, Iowa, Nebraska, Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, Colorado, Idaho: Spain owned this territory from 1762–1800 and based its administration in New Orleans. The north and interior was only sparsely settled by French inhabitants and new immigrants. Nomadic Indians, newly horsed, made up most of the new residents on the Great Plains where Spanish control was confined to the south. A system of forts and frontier posts, inherited from the French, protected Spanish interests along the Mississippi as far north as Michigan.

[Mr. Brian]

Well Britain certainly did not always exist as ye know it with a Queen and all that and the Spanish were hardly in the US first. We should just give it all back to these guys if you want to be fair:

[Frank The Bunny]

I'm just biding my time until our alien masters take control