Some samples in this article:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/20 ... w-memories
The wayne rooney one is particularly good.
The most disgusting thing I've ever heard on the radio was this explorer type recalling how he and his chum got a bit peckish up the Amazon one day and so decided to off a crocodile-like beast called a broad-snouted caiman. So they popped a cap in the mother's ass and dragged the corpse to the shore. Where it twitched.
"So they cut the head off with a chainsaw. And still it twitched.
"So they hauled the brute up and started to skin it. But every time the knife made contact with the scaly skin, the decapitated monster scratched desperately at the wound with one of its hideous claws. So - with mounting horror - they whipped out the chainsaw and carved the beast into handy kebab-sized chunks. And guess what? Yes, that's right - every single steaming piece of freshly butchered flesh carried on twitching!
" I can't help thinking about that monster every time I gaze upon the face of young Wayne Rooney.
"Look at his eyes! Have you ever seen deader eyes? Even on a dead person? Even on, like, a dead person with no eyes? They say that the eyes are the windows of the soul - but looking into Wayne Rooney's reptilian pits is like staring into Nietzsche's abyss. There is no humanity there, or compassion. There's only the message, beamed loud and clear: "I outlived the dinosaurs and I will outlive your kind too, human. And my offspring will lay their eggs in your children's flesh-stripped bones. Now come a bit nearer the water's edge so I can bite yer frickin' legs off."
