An Actual Letter To The Passport Office

[Fish Hook Girl]

Dear sir:

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!

SHIT!

I apologize, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my fuckin' address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there! Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another fuckin' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (fuckin' morons)

Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off! Signed - An Irate fucking Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 . I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST fucking CHINA!

[moondance]

You seem angry about this FHG.
They're just protecting us from ourselves and not wanting us to spend our economic stimulus package outside of the USA.

[Fish Hook Girl]

Oh, I didn't write this; it was forwarded to me. I thought it was clever and funny. And it is.

I would never write a letter to the government.....

[moondance]

I was joking, I didn't think that you had written that. I know you would never use such language!

[black francis]

Oh, I didn't write this; it was forwarded to me. I thought it was clever and funny. And it is.

I would never write a letter to the government.....

So you're not a soldier?

[withahip]

So you're not a soldier?

I am. A solider of fashion. And scarves. Big, big flowing scarvs! And coffee!

[Lancashire Fusileer]

Got a new UK one. recently and had to pick it up from teh F&C office in Amsterdam. 100+ euros and I got felt up by the security. Could have paidhalf for a fumble in the red light, gutted.

[Fish Hook Girl]

I was joking, I didn't think that you had written that. I know you would never use such language!

Oh, never.

[withahip]

Got a new UK one. recently and had to pick it up from teh F&C office in Amsterdam. 100+ euros and I got felt up by the security.

I got so ripped off on mine.

[moondance]

I look like a terrorist on my passport photo.
The evil lady in CVS pushed my chin all the way down because I wanted to wear my eyeglasses and she said that they'd make too much glare. I really look moronic. So no overesas trips for me for 10 years at least.

[JackT]

I look like a terrorist on my passport photo.
The evil lady in CVS pushed my chin all the way down because I wanted to wear my eyeglasses and she said that they'd make too much glare. I really look moronic. So no overesas trips for me for 10 years at least.

They wouldn't let you use the Robert Plant photo?

[moondance]

Nope. Coincidently I have that crazy hair today. I just woke up and I was Plantified.

[insanejane]

Oh, I didn't write this; it was forwarded to me. I thought it was clever and funny. And it is.

I would never write a letter to the government.....

Some of those govt. employees,( I hope there are none on here) like for example, social security, DMV, unemployment and the passport office actually remind me of Marge Simpson's sisters.

[withahip]

I look like a terrorist on my passport photo.

Terrible id photos are a right of passage to driving, traveling, having a job and attending college courses.

[Kounelaki]

I just woke up and I was Plantified.

Rock and roll!