Melvin

[Malbert]

We inherited a pool cleaner when we bought this house last year, and we named him Melvin. He was on strike for the past two days, so I had to clean the pool manually. Today I took him in to the pool store and told them what the deal was. The parts guy gave me four new foot pads saying he thought they were worn down which might be the problem but didn't see anything else that looked cracked or what have you. So, $21 later I was out the door, put Melvin's new shoes on, and he still didn't work. I finally got some time this evening to look him over: I checked to make sure water was being sucked in (the side of the pool where he gets plugged in was fine) and that was good, I poked my finger in the hole where the water goes, and his feet started moving. That was a good sign he was capable of working, so after about a minute of that under the water surface, I put him on the bottom of the pool: nothing. Dragged him back up to the top, moved my finger around a little more and put him back in, and presto! Melvin was back on track moving faster than I've seen in awhile. In the meantime, Mr. Malbert came home, so I announced that I had "fixed that bastard." He asked what I did, so told him bluntly, "I stuck my finger in his ass and made him my bitch."

[fat cherry]

you had me there for a minute. i think you should share, BF style, pictures of your gadgets.

[Voodoo Billy]

We inherited a pool cleaner

Pool cleaner? We buy a new pool every year, £3.99 from Argos, then every year (once we've managed to locate it as it's usually blown into one of the other houses on the street by about November) we Stanley-knife it (much quicker than the valve method) and bin it.

[Malbert]

We buy a new pool every year

The cleaner was free with the house, which came with an in ground pool (which wasn't free).

[Malbert]

i think you should share, BF style, pictures of your gadgets.

Melvin is rather old and a little camera shy. Plus, owning Melvin doesn't give me a boner like BF's stringing thingamajig.

[black francis]

Every time I use my stringing thingamajig it's like a missile base on full alert.

[fat cherry]

Melvin is rather old and a little camera shy. Plus, owning Melvin doesn't give me a boner like BF's stringing thingamajig.

and he's probably a bit upset having been fingered into submission by you.

[Malbert]

and he's probably a bit upset having been fingered into submission by you.

He was asking for it.

[black francis]

That should hold up in court.

[Voodoo Billy]

That should hold up in court.

Ha, ha. Is that the punchline to a tennis joke?

[Malbert]

That should hold up in court.

If a motorized pool cleaner ever decides to press charges against me for sexually molesting it, that's gonna be my defense.

[Voodoo Billy]

If a motorized pool cleaner ever decides to press charges against me for sexually molesting it, that's gonna be my defense.

You could always call on your vibrator as a character witness.

[Ivan]

Melvin is rather old and a little camera shy. Plus, owning Melvin doesn't give me a boner like BF's stringing thingamajig.

BF's stringing thingamajig gives you a boner?

[JackT]

BF's stringing thingamajig gives you a boner?

Hey, don't lay your gender-normative trip on us, man. Around here, womyn are free to get boners.

[Malbert]

Around here, womyn are free to get boners.

What are "womyn"? Are they like True Companions?