I just found out my "girlfriend" is (NOT) a junkie

[Dr Evil]

An attractive young girl spontaneously asked me for money to feed her kids, I took her under my wing, but now it turns out that her money problems were down to being a junkie. I can't help her any more, she's like an attractive vampire, and she has sucked more than enough of my blood-if they take her kids away (by various thugs) she will only have herself to blame. Drug addiction is an illness. I want her to get treatment, but not only is she lying to me, she is lying to herself. But how can I get her help without the S.S. (social services) using this as an excuse to scoop up her kids and give them to middle class parents-maybe best for them, but it would destroy her-she'd probably take an overdose. My supervisor at work, who can be very harsh and despises the weak, told me she had form as a petty dealer and user, and said all junkies should be shot.
Despite the fact that there has always been a bit of a personality clash between us, I told her I would be eternally grateful for this information, as I no longer would be subject to this girls emotional blackmail. I am not pleased to be made a fool of in front of my supervisor, obviously. I'd like to save her from herself, this will require professionals, but the criminal sanctions around drug use make this difficult. First and foremost I will save myself from her. That song "Heroin"-it's just so true!

[fat cherry]

i think the idea that the social actually look for excuses to remove children from their parents is a tad mistaken - oh theres some nice kids, lets call slimeball bob (who lives by the docks) and get him to sell her some smack and then we can give those loverly kiddies to that ever so nice but childless couple on acacia avenue. On the other hand if she cant look after them, well, you could be doing her and them a favour you know..... Its like being on radio 5 live around here isn't it? And, er, if you do make that call, just a suggestion, dont tell them you go by the name of Dr Evil. And er, ... do you have her on high def?

[black francis]

That's a shit situation to be in. My former neighbor who is a great friend started dating this chick who had two children. She came from the Crystal Meth capital of Southern California and he let them stay with him to keep the kids in a healthy environment. She had lived with her parents who were Meth addicts and it turned out she had drug issues as well. She was such a crap mother she put soda in the kid's bottles. One of them had two black front teeth that were so bad my neighbor and I took her to a free dental clinic to have them extracted. I would babysit them every day after work just to make sure the kids got a good meal and something to drink other than soda. It wasn't an ideal arrangement but my friend (he above and beyond anything most people would do) and I were just trying to make life a bit more bearable for the kids. But finally her parents lost their home and temporarily moved in with my neighbor. He did his best out of concern for the kids but finally couldn't take it anymore and told them they would have to leave. His now ex's reaction was to hit him in the head with a flashlight and run out screaming he was trying to kill her.

So HE gets arrested and she got to stay in HIS house and she tried to unload everything of value which caused me to call the police. When they came out they stopped her from taking his stuff and I pleaded with them to give her a drug test and that my friend was incapable of striking a woman and they flat out said "we know you're friend is guilty of nothing more than letting this bitch stay here for far too long but there's nothing we can do about it".

The prosecuting attorney offered my friend a plea deal which he refused and he was taken to court three times but each time his ex never appeared and finally after the third time the charges were dropped. Luckily his employer understood the situation and he didn't lose his job.

I don't know if I have a point Dr. Evil but if there is one I guess it would be I greatly admire people like my friend and you who would go out of their way to help others. But be sure to watch out for yourself in all this.

[Dave Smith]

Well Love is a drug if you pardon the shit Bryan Ferry reference.Suppose the point is we all have addictions-be it drink,drugs,donkey porn,whatever-but how much do really like her to help her?If she's worth saving then stick it out but it wont be easy.

Is Claire Raynor a Bunnymen fan and knocking around here?

[withahip]

She came from the Crystal Meth capital of Southern California

Don't go trying to take the crown from Upstate New York, my friend.

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HAMBURG, N.Y. (WIVB) - Hamburg Police arrested a man whose home was the target of a drug raid on Tuesday.

Narcotics detectives seized the ingredients and special equipment they suspect was used to make methamphetamine. They also arrested 26-year-old Joseph Bodhorn, who is accused of operating the lab in his bedroom. Bodhorn lives at the house with his mother, stepfather, and younger stepsister. The parents have told authorities they did not know they had a suspected meth lab in their home.

Bodhorn now faces five felony drug counts, including a charge he was manufacturing meth in the presence of a person under 16 years of age: his stepsister.

[Dr Evil]

I'd even die for her. But instead I've decided to take a months holiday from her problems. Even if my supervisor is wrong, her spending is out of control and until I can get a full time job I am hiding from her. The last time I phoned she claimed to have left her sick baby in hospital and was stranded in a town 20 miles away in the cold and rain, she said that her abusive ex was the dealer/user and that she's been tarred with the same brush, was in floods of tears and said the first time she'd ever got a man who really cared about her, my supervisor had ruined everything with her lies, and that she was a completely heartless bully. Certainly she does give a pretty good impression of the Wicked Witch of the West, particularly when she ordered me to drop this girl or I might end up reported to the school and dismissed for "guilt by association" (one of my pet subjects-that would make an interesting case in the European Court of Human rights) but perhaps she simply has my best interests in mind. My supervisor is the sort of person who looks after number one, but I'm just not like that.
I absolutely despise those behind the so-called war on drugs. It's turned a social problem into a human rights disaster, and the councillor agreed with me.

[zabird]

One thing to remember -- and I learned this lesson the hard way -- is that you can help a friend/loved one with an abuse problem over and over, but until they hit rock bottom, admit they have a problem and seek help and try to get better, it's all in vain. And it's harsh, but sometimes you have to go the tough love route, and that includes reporting her to social services for her kids' sake. Perhaps there's a grandparent, aunt or some other family member who can seek even temporary custody of her kids so they don't have to go into foster care. Although I will say this about foster care ... it gets a lot of bad knocks, but it does work sometimes. My dad was a foster kid. He said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. It gave him and his siblings a desperately needed stable home life. Good luck and be careful, Dr. E.

[Dr Evil]

I could never "betray" her, even if it was for her own good and that of her kids. But the social services already know about her, so things will probably take that course in any case. I am not going to bail her out again-the councillor recommended the tough love approach. She said if I loved her I'd give her more money. I replied it was precisely for that reason that I was NOT going to do that.Her long walk home might wake her up. One thing I am worried about is Brighton Council's wicked eviction of a junkie couple as part of the so-called war on drugs, which is why I can't seek help from official channels. No prizes for guessing where she'd head if that happened. I like her company but need to keep her at a distance while she is in this mess.
I hope I've got it all wrong, but that's just wishful thinking.

[In The Margins]

A few observations:

Junkies are the best liars in the world. Don't believe the lies. They will say (and do) anything to get their next fix. They don't care who they hurt.

Zabird is right, they won't get better until they hit rock bottom. At that point, there's two choices -- get better or die. (Sorry if that seems harsh, but it's the truth.)

Your supervisor may have first hand experience with drug addicts. Don't judge her too harshly. She seems to have your best interests at heart.

The ones at most danger are the kids. Worry about them and find a way to help them.

Seek out an Al-Anon meeting for families/friends of drug addicts. It helps to get support from others who have been in the same situation.

[fat cherry]

evils, margins & zabird are right. Its not a betrayal. You've got to think long term. And its probably best not to think of social services as the child snatcher from chitty chitty bang bang. If it came to it, having the kids cared for, if it came to that, would take that pressure off and allow some kind of rehab or treatment. Not suggestingits an easy call but you know.... seems kind of obvious to me. according to J Wayne, courage is being scared, but saddling up anyway.

[JackT]

People like the one Dr. E describes scare me, because they have the power to draw you into their world of problems. Its almost like it can rub off.

[the ghost of guitarplayer]

I agree. People like that I have come across in the past I have kept my distance from once I have discovered their problems. Call me selfish, but I do not want to be part of their world. It takes a tough cookie to cope with that. Hats off to Dr Evil, it's not something I could of been involved in at all.

[Dr Evil]

I know that to rescue her from herself I will have to be superhuman. And watch out for my own back, because she is kryptonite. On the positive side I've already started writing a great novel based on this, which I might even turn into a film. Then I can afford to send her to rehab. As for my supervisor, she is a lot of things-basically a stereotypical right-wing hang and flog-em, kill the junkies, send the dole-ites to the workhouse Daily Mail reader-but one thing she is not is a lier. People think she will drag me into hell with her. But hell is familiar territory to me. A bit like Orpheus.

[DivaDiana77]

I know that to rescue her from herself I will have to be superhuman. And watch out for my own back, because she is kryptonite. On the positive side I've already started writing a great novel based on this, which I might even turn into a film. Then I can afford to send her to rehab. As for my supervisor, she is a lot of things-basically a stereotypical right-wing hang and flog-em, kill the junkies, send the dole-ites to the workhouse Daily Mail reader-but one thing she is not is a lier. People think she will drag me into hell with her. But hell is familiar territory to me. A bit like Orpheus.

I suppose you could go along for the purpose of writing a really great novel, though that would be sad and sick.

Seriously, though, often the very people who most need help will bite your hand when you try. She should be grateful to have someone trying to help her, but it doesn't seem to work out that way. You'll have to look deep within your heart for the course of action to take. It seems like you have a good grasp on all the alternatives.

I think I should start acting really messed up so I can find a nice boyfriend. It seems to work.

[Dr Evil]

I suppose you could go along for the purpose of writing a really great novel, though that would be sad and sick..

You are either incredibly perceptive or worse still, a telepath. I guess it is sad and sick, but the exciting bit is I don't know the ending. I'll try to be creative. I could set the opening credits to the song "Flaming Red."

Seriously, though, often the very people who most need help will bite your hand when you try. She should be grateful to have someone trying to help her, but it doesn't seem to work out that way. You'll have to look deep within your heart for the course of action to take. It seems like you have a good grasp on all the alternatives.

I think I should start acting really messed up so I can find a nice boyfriend. It seems to work.

Genius.