There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose
job it was to process all
the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky
handwriting to God with no actual
address. He thought he should open it to see what it
was about.
The letter read:
'Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small
pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which
was all the money I had
until my next pension check.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of
my friends over for dinner.
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.
I have no family to
turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please
help me?
Sincerely,
Edna
The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter
to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and
came up with a few dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected
$96, which they put into an
envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm
glow thinking of Edna and the
dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.
A few days later, another letter came from the same
old lady to God. All
the workers gathered around while the letter was
opened.
It read:
Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for
me? Because of your
gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner
for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your
wonderful gift. By the
way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been
those bastards at the
Post Office.
Sincerely yours,
Edna
Jokes
14 posts
• Page 1 of 1
by black francis » Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:38 pm
How do you know the Post Office is hiring?
The flags are at half mast.
The flags are at half mast.
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black francis - Bunnygod
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by electrabunny » Wed Dec 05, 2007 9:28 pm
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
- When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
- Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
-
electrabunny - Member
- Posts: 477
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- Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
by black francis » Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:31 pm
On a vacation in Spain, a guy goes to a bullfight. He sees the bull get killed. Afterwards he's looking for somewhere to eat and he comes across a restaurant near the bullring. He goes in and takes a seat. He can't understand anything on the menu, so he just orders the special of the day. The waiter brings out a bowl of broth in which float two large balls.
"What are these?" asks the guy. The waiter explains it's the balls of the bull that was killed in ring that day. The guy's adventurous, so he takes a bite, decides it's delicious and finishes it off.
The next day he's sightseeing but he can't resist going back to the restaurant and ordering "Bullfight Especial". The waiter brings out a bowl, but this time the balls are much smaller. He eats them anyway, finds them delicious but asks the waiter:
"Why were these balls so much smaller than they were yesterday?"
"Well, sometimes the bull wins."
"What are these?" asks the guy. The waiter explains it's the balls of the bull that was killed in ring that day. The guy's adventurous, so he takes a bite, decides it's delicious and finishes it off.
The next day he's sightseeing but he can't resist going back to the restaurant and ordering "Bullfight Especial". The waiter brings out a bowl, but this time the balls are much smaller. He eats them anyway, finds them delicious but asks the waiter:
"Why were these balls so much smaller than they were yesterday?"
"Well, sometimes the bull wins."
Last edited by black francis on Wed Dec 19, 2007 1:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
With the Force as his ally he did battle with the Dark Lord. And he showed the measure of a true Jedi at a place called "The Death Star" where hope for the Galaxy was reborn. May all who struggle against tyranny hold his memory in their hearts
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black francis - Bunnygod
- Posts: 10250
- Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:02 am
by black francis » Wed Dec 12, 2007 1:36 pm
JackT wrote:Ha ha I love a good Chuck Norris joke.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
With the Force as his ally he did battle with the Dark Lord. And he showed the measure of a true Jedi at a place called "The Death Star" where hope for the Galaxy was reborn. May all who struggle against tyranny hold his memory in their hearts
-
black francis - Bunnygod
- Posts: 10250
- Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:02 am
by withahip » Sat Dec 15, 2007 10:28 am
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"
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withahip - Über Fan
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by watercolors » Sat Dec 15, 2007 12:50 pm
Hee hee hee.... Yous guys is funny! 
Screaming from beneath the waves...
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watercolors - Member
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by black francis » Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:21 pm
Jesus I've been telling this one since grade school
A guy meets his girlfriend's parents for the first time. As they're having dinner he gets some bad gas and can't hold it any longer so he lets a little out. He lets out a very audible fart and his girlfriend's mother shouts out "Rover"! He looks down and sitting below him is the family dog. "Ah she thinks it's the dog" he thinks to himself so he lets out another fart. "Rover"! The mother screams again. So the boyfriend decides just to let the whole thing out since it will be blamed on the dog. So he noisily lets out the whole fart. The mother stands up this time and screams "Rover get away from that man before he shits on you"!
It wasn't that funny then either.
A guy meets his girlfriend's parents for the first time. As they're having dinner he gets some bad gas and can't hold it any longer so he lets a little out. He lets out a very audible fart and his girlfriend's mother shouts out "Rover"! He looks down and sitting below him is the family dog. "Ah she thinks it's the dog" he thinks to himself so he lets out another fart. "Rover"! The mother screams again. So the boyfriend decides just to let the whole thing out since it will be blamed on the dog. So he noisily lets out the whole fart. The mother stands up this time and screams "Rover get away from that man before he shits on you"!
It wasn't that funny then either.
With the Force as his ally he did battle with the Dark Lord. And he showed the measure of a true Jedi at a place called "The Death Star" where hope for the Galaxy was reborn. May all who struggle against tyranny hold his memory in their hearts
-
black francis - Bunnygod
- Posts: 10250
- Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2007 1:02 am
by moondance » Wed Dec 19, 2007 8:54 pm
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD- 40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If i t shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD- 40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If i t shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
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moondance - Senior Member
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