401(keg)

[Frank The Bunny]

If you had invested $1000 in Delta Airlines a year ago, today you would have $49.
If you had invested $1000 in AIG a year ago, today you would have $33.
If you had invested $1000 in Lehman Brothers a year ago, today you would have $0.
If you had invested $1000 in Beer a year ago, drank the beer, and took the aluminum cans to a recycling center, you would have received $214.

Based on the above, the best investment is to drink heavily and recycle. Call it a 401(keg) plan.

[black francis]

You're my new financial guru.

[withahip]

DES MOINES, IA—While en route to visit her cousin in South Bend, local divorcee Janet Linden, 37, told reporters Monday that her initial self-consciousness at drinking a beer by herself at Dugan's Sports Bar in the Des Moines International Airport was somewhat mitigated after she saw a woman approximately her age doing the same. "I guess it's not that bad," Linden said as she straightened herself up in her bar stool and brushed some cat hair off her skirt. "What's wrong with a single, independent woman having a cold beer while she's waiting for her flight? It's perfectly normal. Just ask that lady over there." Linden considered approaching the other woman to chat before realizing she had been looking at a mirror at the other end of the darkened bar.